Well, second scan results are out! Not as good as last time. “There is a 4mm nodule within the right middle lobe previously resolved, though appears to be returning.” It was explained to me that this means the chemotherapy is no longer having it’s original affect. Basically, my body is developing a tolerance and it is no longer working.
The doctors want to proceed with the dosage today. They were expecting the results to be different and haven’t made a new treatment plan. Thursday, I will be called back into the office to hear the new options and a new plan of attack will be chosen.
Now, there are lots of ways to look at this.
- Someone stopped praying or started doubting. If so, whoever you are get it together. This disease needs all of us.
- There is no way the Lord was going to let us go through this with no hiccups or trials. This is just a set back. We’ve beaten it before and now we will do it again.
- I was beating it too fast and the Lord has decided to slow me down. I was feeling so good, even started back to work more. This is a reminder that slowing down is what is need, despite my belief that I feel better than I actually do.
Any of these are good options. Maybe they all apply. I really liked Karen’s response to the news the very best. She responded to the news of the 4mm nodule be texting, “I have faith bigger than that.” I believe we all do. Don’t get me wrong, a set back like this is a real blow to my hope but then I remember all the guidance from the Lord. The most valuable at a time like this are words that came from a blessing not long ago, “everything in my life has been preparing me for these moments.” I must be prepared. The Lord, apparently, thought this trial would be necessary but was merciful enough to prepare me for it.
I once told the Lord I would not complain about this. I said I would do what was needed to help those around me take the most from it. These blows, remind me that I still have things to take away from this too. I have some learning and some trusting of my own to do. I wrote a blog entry once about why I chose the name Tan Sports Car for this site. I still believe that’s who I am but today I found something on my tan sports car I had never seen before. There is a chip in the exterior paint. Underneath this tan sports car paint, I found a little pink. And you know what, I AM TOUGH ENOUGH TO WEAR PINK.